she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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