I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
