the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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