he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love having hate sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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