If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I understand Curling. That high.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
