Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
