Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
