Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
