My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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