you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
