i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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