went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
