If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
