I want to stick my p in your. b.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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