I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
