I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
