i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
