so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
