I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
