Quick, to the slutcave!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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