hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
