AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
