My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
try to milk me bitch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
