You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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