fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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