i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
