Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
