Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
