Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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