Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
