how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The Olympian is in my bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
