I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
