He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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