thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
