if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
