You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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