Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
