i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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