You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
