I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
