I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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