I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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