: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
