..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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