Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
