Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
