Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
