i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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