Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
