I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it because I queefed?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
