paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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