I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
