I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
