Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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