It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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