I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
barbara walters just said penis...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
