Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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